The Fifth Day

Change of Focus

Today I am going to talk about being a carer. It’s something I don’t often talk about, which, in itself, is very telling. Ever since my mum was diagnosed with cancer when I was 16, I have known about caring.

The biggest thing that changed for me was how I looked at life. I experienced a complete paradigm shift and the little things that used to bother me suddenly seemed so very trivial.

On an emotional level, I learned how to shut my feelings down in order to cope. Another interesting development is how people started to turn to me for advice, yet I didn’t really talk about my own feelings much at all!

Anyway, although my mum and dad coped with my mum’s illness and disability, it completely changed my life, so from 16 years of age life was never the same. Basically I was always aware of my mum and her health (or lack of it) and just carried it around with me!

My mum lived for a long time and was something of a miracle in this respect, as we were expecting her to die from cancer, but she lived for like another 27 years. And she didn’t actually die from cancer in the end!

Once my mum died, this left my dad on his own and, as he had been looked after by my mum, in lots of ways we had to start from scratch so he could learn about the things he needed to do to be as independent as he could be.

It’s a very odd experience supporting my dad, but somehow we’ve found a way that works for both of us. I have to say it’s not always easy for either of us, but we manage it as best we can.

A key difference has been the involvement of other people in my dad’s care, after he had a knee replacement. Although not an easy situation at first, having others involved in his care and support, it certainly took the pressure off me and provided my dad with other people to talk to.

OK, so that’s a whistlestop tour of my caring experience and some insights into my feelings about it. Now we are here in 2011 and all these experiences and the learning I’ve acquired has culminated in me starting up this Carers Project, Carers Matters http://www.carersmatters.co.uk